The Trifecta

I’m sure most of the readers of this site spent their Monday night glued to the television watching our beloved Eagles succumb to agonizing defeat. The hurt is too near for me to discuss how disappointed I am with Donovan’s performance and I hold him too dear to my heart to write an article bashing him, so instead, I’ll take my excessive rage out on a party that deserves an equal amount of berating: ESPN. I sat down to Monday Night Football with a few Eagles fans, 3 of us clad in jerseys, Densen repping McNabb, Doug Avart repping Westbrook, and me, repping Trotter who didn’t even make the cut. ESPN started the night off with a bang. The HD looked great and that video with McNabb elegantly dodging twenty guys and then making the perfect pass pumped me up to the max. Then the evening took a turn for the worst. They showed us that goddamn GMC Chevrolet commercial 30 times. Honestly, starting every commercial break with the same commercial can have negative effects on your target demographic causing them to loath your product, especially if their football team is losing (Fuck you GMC, I’ll never buy one of your trucks). Then the announcers started talking about Andy Reid’s sons and didn’t stop talking about it for a half an hour. Yes, the Andy Reid’s sons’ stories are hilarious but we really don’t need a 15 minute debate on whether it’s affecting Andy’s coaching. During the game I want commentary about the game, not gossip. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Charles Barkley walks into the announcer booth. I don’t know who or what gave Charles Barkley the idea that he is mentally qualified to do walk ins on commenting sessions for the National Football League. Let me give you some gems from Charles I managed to jot down during the game once I realized how absurd he was being.

• “The media here is so powerful here, they tell us what to think.”

• In response to a comment stating that if Reno hadn’t dropped that punt last week the Eagles would have won: “If I didn’t eat so much I wouldn’t be fat”

I think Charles Barkley might be retarded. I have no other explanation for his comments last night. They were rarely in response to anything else said. They sometimes were simple regurgitations of comments said minutes before. They were spoken with a slight slur / speech impediment. I rest my case.

Charles Barkley wasn’t the only perpetrator last night. The commentators just wouldn’t shut up. We missed the beginning of more than five plays because the announcers couldn’t wrap up their chats. And it’s not like their chats were interesting, although they did inform me that David Akers is into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu during his final field goal. ESPN enhanced the shittyness of the Eagles making them even more excruciating to watch, which I thought was impossible until Monday Night. Thanks ESPN, thanks a lot.

- Rich